Goalage

I know a secret. Self-help experts write books about achieving your dreams and blah blah blah. People spend billions of dollars on these things, so I'll break it all down for you and hopefully save you time and money. For the most part, the purpose of these books is to find ways to inspire people to make goals and achieve them. So if you don't lack inspiration, here is the formula for achieving everything in life:

1. Figure out what you want in life and remember that some things are more important than others.
2. Make a plan to attain what you want.
3. Execute the plan. Recognize if it isn't working, make a new plan and execute it.
4. Enjoy your achievement.

That's it. Everything in life is ours to be had if we "go for it" or "shoot for the stars" or some other vague inspirational quote that goes on your boss's cube wall. So, like CIV says "I work hard for goals that I've set."

Some people only make goals that are long-term or difficult or have some sort of major weight or meaning in their life. Which is cool and all, but let's say out of ten of these goals you are only able to achieve one. That could be hard on your self-esteem. A guy I used to work with one time told me about "slumpbusters." For him, this was a less than attractive girl that he would hook up with if he was in a dry spell. Keep in mind that men are pigs. But while his bump and run approach with the girl probably hurt her significantly, his idea was that it would give him a little self-esteem boost so he could hook up with other chicks. A pig, as I said. But he's on to something.

I like to feel good about myself, don't you? Why not make a pointless goal that's fairly easy to achieve? A few years ago I accomplished a slumpbuster goal that I'm still very proud of. Did you know I'm published at ESPN.com? It's true, sort of. I made a goal that I would get my name referenced in a Tuesday Morning Quarterback column. I don't know enough about football or space or holiday shopping habits to email him something that would be interesting enough to post in his column. But I do know how to look up otherwise useless information online. Which means I can nominate a cheerleader of the week. And so the goal became to nominate a cheerleader of the week from the Broncos every week until I saw my name on Tuesday. So the first week, I nominated the most interesting cheerleader they had. by sending an email that said:

Hi Gregg,

I just wanted to nominate Terita of the Broncos for cheerleader of the week. She's working on her PhD in Counseling and has some rippin' abs.
Thanks for all of your insight on football and all things cosmically intriguing.

And with the first email, IT HAPPENED!!! Not only did he use my pick and cite my name, he included my reasoning for the nomination. It seems stupid, but it made my day. And the next day, and every other day that I google myself (I'm a narcissist) and I see it on the list. So slumpbusters are a good thing.

When I was a kid we sometimes would write goals as a family, and most of the time they were fairly attainable. My parents used to hang up a goal sheet in our basement and we'd mark stuff off as we finished it. I don't have a basement, but I do have goals and keyboard. So here are a few of my goals.

• Pay off our house long before the mortgage is scheduled to be paid
• Be on a game show, in this order of preference: 1. Who wants to be a Millionaire...2. Wheel of Fortune...3. Family Feud...4. Wipeout...5. Deal or No Deal...10000. Maury Povich's Who's the Daddy Challenge
• Learn to fly an airplane/helicopter
• Let Shalene quit her job because I'm making fat stacks
• Have my face drawn in the Wall Street Journal
• Learn to play creepy songs on an organ